just blargh

I am now a parent of a wonderful 19 month old little boy named Mark Boyd Vore and I wouldn't change anything except the fact that I live with my parents and Mara and Meyrick are trying to micromanage my parenting telling me "you're lazy, because you never watch you son." mark doesn't need constant eye contact for me to watch him I wear myself out playing with him until nap time and then sometimes after nap time on days the other kids have school I am sick and tired of them trying to tell me how to be a mom I have done a bang up job with out there help Mark was just fine when I had a place of my own he doesn't get into much and what he does get into I take care of I just wish I could be on my own or at least in a room mate situation where my siblings weren't present in my parenting life I am so tempted to just disappear and see what they think of losing mark and I completely but that's not good for mark or for me so I will just have to suffer through what hell they decide to bring to me today with their verbal putdowns

life suck! I don't know how committed I am to my almost perfect relationship. I don't know what to do. Should I stay with him or leave him and what do I do about the kids?

EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Well in the last couple of months, I have gotten engaged! Makes me happy but the down side of life is I chose to quit my job because my supervisor was talking behind my back and causing a lot of drama between me and my other co workers so I chose to leave. I am loving life for the most part just trying to find a job to finance my wedding next May

life rox

well its been awhile since I posted last I know no one follows me but its nice to write my thought
my life is finally working itself out I have never been stronger in the church, I am in school, and I have lost a couple of inches in the last few weeks.
I am not like all my other girl friends......boy crazy I really like dating ya but my social life doesn't depend on dates I go out all the time by myself because i am just that AWESOME..... ya not going to happen I am just lame like that its been almost a year since I had Ashley who is in the best enviroment any mother could hope for I wouldn't take it back for anyhting in the world! I know my posts have been short and sweet but when I have this much time I like to type......alot. It tends to be my weekness when I get around a keyboard and nothing to do but think
well I am out

school

so its been all of three days that I have been in school and I already have a butt load of homework like 170 someodd math problems and 2 essays all due by friday and with work giving me fulltine hours when I am part time I am starting to get pissed and with my being on probation already because I have been redally sick like way bad almost like morning sickness to the max it sucks but with homework school ad work I have no time to myself and I don't know what t do anymore when I do have time to myself I have so many things to do I don't knwo where to start

well things are looking up I am starting school this week and ashley is forever sealed to her family and I am so happy I got to go to court with them last week to finalize the adoption I don't think I have been happier
church was great today afterwards we had sack lunches it was interestinly fun for me and well thats about as far as church goes
I have no social life I am always iwth my friend megan on ym days off or going to the temple
my dating life still sucks no one asks me anymore and I am not so sure I want to date just yet ya its nice and all but I am still trying to set in my schedule for work and school

headache central

so my life is great, great boyfriend, great friends, great school, great family. But when pretty girl (lol) like me gets serious with someone.. about 5 other guys pop up and confess their feelings and you used to like them before you were with this mister wonderful and you don't know what to do
I have a hard enough time saying no as it is and I guess this is just making it easier for me....LOL
well I am planning one of the biggest things in my life next to marriage....IO am moving out to South Carolina with my Boyfriend to see if we can handle being married insstead of going through a nasty divorce we would just go through a nasty break up .....I love my parents but I don't want to go through what they did

well life has been nothing but amazing even with this last week being a downer. well I am ina relationship and it is going more than spplendid I am moving in with him soon, we met back in high school and went on one date. and when he comes home to utah for a visit in july my friend melanie and I are surprising him at an ungodly hour for breakfast a double date and a visit with old friends and meeting my friends and family. I am so stoked. and the great hting is he loves to hear updates about Ashley and he doesn't mind when I talk about her. although I haven't been talking about her as much as a used to its still nice to not have to hold it in. It was a big part of my growing up last year and by far the hardest thing I did (being pregnant) ugh I want another baby but I am settling on waiting becuae I know I can't handle one at the time.. But anyways here's to ALL my family and friends that helped me with the decision I made even you mom you were great to me even though you didn't like what I did and even though we had our hard times you understood me and I couldn't have asked for more and to my family in idaho I will always love you for letting me be and not pushing like everyone did while I was here for one decision or the other

Sailors

so as of MArch 14th I am dating a US Sailor. we have known each other since my first year at Paradigm High back on ...... well it was my freshmore year.

ANyways we met up again on facebook and it as all been uphill since then I fell things are going to go far with this one

He is still in South Caarolina, and only gets to come to utah on his leave, SADNESS!!

but we will make this one work I at least will give it my all

I have no idea what to do

on new years eve I went to a party with my friend Logan and met my now boyfriend Preston, the only thing is he is just a bit immature for me even though he is 20 he acts like he is still in high school and I promised myself that I wouldn't ever date any one like that again.
I care for him alot and I don't want to hurt him but idon't know what to do I don't love him. I am in such a pickle with this one I have no idea what to do.

>.<

I don't know what to do these days I think the holidays are catching up to me but I am not sure I feel listless and I am wondering if is about the adoption, or if it really is the holidays. I am starting to worry all I want to do is sit around and read and no interact with people I feel bad for my friend Ana she is supportive but I feel like I am ignoring her when she comes over. she is always worried about my feelings and I keep telling her I have no surface emotions in the public. Is something wrong with me or is it normal to feel like this after having a baby?
I really don't know what to do I am working really hard on getting ready for the temple and its going alright but am I doing it for the right reasons?

wow

well I had my little girl on November 30th and it hasn't been the easiest thing to get through the day but I manage. I get almost daily updates and I get to look forward to seeing her, I don't have second thoughts but I do wonder what it would be like. I know what I did for her was the right thing there is no way I could offer a steady home like the Bloods can. I could have tried but I wasn't ready for it. I love her and nothing can top that and I love the family she is in.

I can't believe its over

Its been a long 9 months that's for sure.
I went into early labor Friday morning and ever so slightly the pain got worse with every hour. I went in Saturday to get checked to see if I was far enough along..........I wasn't I was only dilated to a 1. and then Sunday they got way bad I couldn't sleep through them at all..........when we went in I was still a 1 but they gave me a morphine shot so I could sleep. that lasted about 4 hours and then back to pain all the time. finally on Monday around 3 am I woke Michele up crying and we sat and timed my contractions they were never consistent for longer than 30 minutes, it was really annoying. then around 5 30 we decided to call the hospital to see if I should come in. while Michele was calling and talking t the nurse I was screaming in the background, they told Michele to take me in. When we got to the hospital I was dilated to a 7 and I got my epidural shot and I was out for 5 hours sleeping while I dilated even more. they ended up breaking my water when I was a 9 then at 12 noon I was able to start pushing I pushed for an hour. and at 12:58 on November 30Th of 2009 my little Ashley Lynette was born. after getting all set up in the post par tum room everyone came by to visit and meet Ashley. I didn't get to hold her much until late that afternoon. that night she slept in my bed with me so we could keep her temperature up. she woke up only twice that night because while pregnant I took trazadone and it got in her system and she was still working it out until the second day. On the second day Lynette, Ashley and I were up at 5 30 and Ashley was alert as ever. The doctor came in to check up on me and her and everything was fine. when the pediatrician came in to check up on Ashley, he said she was perfect and then she had to go get her hearing screened. she passed on her left side but didn't pass on her right. (sad) and michele came by at 8 that morning and we girls just talked. Ashley didn't leave my arms much the day after delivery. but Lynette's sister and sister in law came by they are amazing they love Ashley. at the end of the first day after delivery I was exhausted on signing day everyone came by it was crazy I signed at 24 hours after delivery the signing was easy it was the night after that was hard. I was holding her that night after Lynette and Alan had fallen asleep and i just cried with her in my arms and she woke up every 2 hours and Lynette fed her. but at 3 that morning Ashley ate to much and had a tummy ache I rubbed her tummy and patted her back and soothed her the rest of the morning we all woke up around 5 because Ashley got really fussy but she burped and pooped and felt much better. then we all fell back asleep around 6 30 and slept for a couple more hours until our OB/GYN came in to check up on us then Alan and Lynette went to go get dressed and Ashley and I went back to sleep again. around 9 Michele came by again and she started getting my stuff together through out the hospital room.
the nurse came and took her to retake her hearing test and prick her foot to get a count on her billyrubin. but around 11 we were all ready to go I had my discharge instructions and everything and then we got Ashley's and found out we had to have Aanicka the adoption case worker had to be there to sign out Ashley from the Hospital. so we waited another hour while Aanicka came down to the Hospital. we all just visited and opened gifts, Alan and Lynette gave me the whole Black Amethyst set from bath and body works and a memorabilia box to hold things of Ashley's that I wanted to hold on to we got Ashley dressed in her take home clothes and took a boat load of pictures. I didn't let anyone else hold Ashley I even changed her diapers and fed her until it was time for her to go home we all walked out together and I buckled her into her car seat and into the car. and told her I would see her in a couple of weeks.


its been a tough day since I got home I went to bed and snuggled in her hospital blanket and cried myself to sleep, its only natural to cry so I didn't feel bad. and I get to see her every month
It was never good bye its always see you later


adoption is never about giving your baby up its about giving them more and always will be

ugh

why me? i question I have asked over and over the last 9 months
lately I have been feeling like I ca do the single parenting thing, but I know its not what I want...I want to be able to live life before I settle down with anything permanent. But my mom and step dad keep telling me I can do it, so much that they are trying to influence me. I wish they would completely back off and let me do my thing. ugh I don't know what to do anymore I know that this adoption will happen even though it will be a little delayed. I just need to prove to my mother that this is what I want and that I chose it for a reason, and not to take the easy way out like my step dad keeps accussnig me off

whoa

wow what a day it has been. I have yet to get my daily shower in and I smell like a swimming pool!!! ugh
but I can't find the blasted baking soda to make cookies
I wish I could bed over. this baby thing is getting really old thank heavens I only have 4-5 weeks left until I am due WHEW I am so done being pregnant
I am not really looking forward to the signing of the adoption papers but who does really?
anyways life has been great I met this guy Chris and OMG what a bod but that's not what I am after he meets my personality standards to the max which is great for me

what a week

it has been one heck of a week!!!
I moved back in with my mom on monday and thats the same day my hot wigs craving kicked inn full throttle......and my weekend is packed friday (today) i went out with ala ad lynette to my two week check up and then we went out to dinner that was fun the took me somewhere I had never been before!!!! stone ground I think it was called and then you would have thought alan was pregnant he started craving ice cream I had to laugh but we went to baskin robins and got ice cream and after that we went to 'a chorus line' at the pioneer threatre at the U oh and o wednesday I think it was my sisters boyfriend gave her a kitten and she somehow managed to covince my dad to let us keep him........it took about 2 days to decide on a name his name is now 'Amethyst' he is a long haired siamese cat really pretty the only bad thig is he reminds me of my kitten 'lil' lucky I lost him to mental retardation that led him out to get hit by a truck I swear that was the worst day of my life seeing my dad brig him home in a nunventalated box because he was already gone.... but ayways I am ow almost 32 weeks technichally I am 31 and 5 days but close enough and I am small for being 8 months people are always saying it and when they see me they think I am only 6 months its kind of funny

UGH

what a month I am now 30 weeks pregnant. and oh boy am I ready for it to be over!!!!!! :)
I have been back home for 4 weeks now no more long trips out of town, but I am spending the weekend at my moms WOOT WOOT I love spending time at my mom when it isn't very long, like more than 6 days

I have found the most amazing family as I have said before but the mom and I are so close its really nice we have our girls days and then the next week its a family day it is a great experiance although i am not looking forward to the paper signing and stuff in the hospital

but I am still single I wouldn't mind a boyfriend right now they are nice to have from time to time but I don't want to hamper my own self being by getting a boyfriend

Our new game!!!

I have discovered that my baby loves to play games, even though idon't like some of them she loves this thing where she kicks or puts a body part pushing out of my tummy and I try and pouc=sh it back because it is uncomfortable, buyt no she then moves to a different part of the tummy and does it again this goes on for about 15 minutes until she starts violently ticking on my ribs. the worst feeling in the world its worse than your wosrt cramps ever!!!!! but we have fun together! :) <3

WOW

Holy Hannabells its been a long time since I blogged. I am getting way lazy now that I can't really move around like I used to!
well tonight was a great night I announced the adoption to the couple, Alan and Lynette!! It was great fun i bought pink and white stereamers and white balloons and set them up around a small office and then I had a pink and brown diaper bag full of stuff, there was a pink mobil, a bottle with a pink rim, a pink towel that said 'once upon a time' that cam with three washclpthes, and two bibns one was green and blue (I think) that said 'I love my big brother, and the other was pink and it also said ' I love my big brother.
I swear I never have a camera when I need one. Darn it not having a job anymore I never have any money andmore!!!!
but other than that it has been a busy summer I went to Idaho for two weeks while my maternal grandparents went on an Alaskan cruise and then we got home on a wedsday and that friday we went camping for a family reunion!!! crazy crazy and now I am pooped out and out of the habit of trying to go for a walk to try and keep in shape,.........so much good that is doing

and then this week has been pretty busy monday we got home from the camping, tuesday I went shopping for the announcement of the adoption for that night, wendsday is my only free day, thursday I have a prenatal appointment at 8 30 in the AM and then at 10 in the AM I am hanging out with my friend annalyn! and then that night I am going to try and make it to group at the adoption agency, friday I have a date, and saturday I am going to a picnic with Alan and Lynette and their two little boys and that night I am going to a play...........WHEW what a week

wow I fell behind

well its been two weeks since I last blogged
I have been in Idaho visiting my paternal grandparents and sadly my dad too. but things are all day. this weekend I am spending time with danielle instead of going camping with family.....but its all good shopping and going out to eat with out guys for a whole weekend could a girl ask for anything else to make a weekend perfect!!! :)
well I am planning on inducing my labor for my baby so danielle and the adopting mom Lynette and I are all gertting together and we are going to plan it all out. this is going to be fun (not)
well lall my friuends are leaving this saturday to go back up to rexburg for school, I am going to be lonely in church again.
but I have a couple of dates lined up but none of that romantic stuff. thats is for if you mean to get serious with a guy not if you want to get to know him as a guy first.....